Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Begining the journey to finding Dylan starts with finding order in this house/ "house"

Dylan was diagnosed with Aspergers this year...but I am not accepting that.

This video of Dylan Give Me Words to Speak  gives such a small small small  glimpse into what our journey has been like.  Daily I really have no idea what we will have to face.  Something as simple as a picture on facebook can send him into a massive meltdown, wanting to know why it is there and if I tell him I do not know....that is when the meltdown begins.  I am then called a liar and told he hates me, then he may throw something , tell me he wants to kill himself, hit my husband, kick something throw himself down and scream etc..  Seriously just like that. 

In this world we feel alone there are not many parents that can relate...although sadly there are more and more each day who start a similar journey.  The parents that can relate are too busy, just like we are, to be able to offer a shoulder or have a play date etc.  Those who can't relate become great detectives.  They believe they have the answers to solve our problems.  " You  don't spank enough."  funny because I don't remember you living with us...hmmm" You spank too much."  refer to last comment " It's too much sugar."  That's it! Why didn't I think of that??? Drrrr.... "You must not be consistent in your punishment" Wow you know your right again, another genius I should have thought about being consistent " It's just a boy being a boy" What boys are you seeing??? "My son is just like that"  Really your son just threw a fit because you told him he could not take a large shipping box into his room to use as a house for his stuffed guinea pig and is now literally bouncing on his back a foot off of the bed flailing around and screaming?  Or perhaps he is at the store throwing a fit because you said no to more toys and now he is laying on the floor using his feet to spin his body in circles and screaming OUHHH OUUUUHHHH OOOOUUUH YOU HURT ME!!!  Okay then I guess not huh?  and my all time fave "You just give him his way too much!"  Oh Okay silly me...cause I thought his fits came when I said no and things did not go his way...guess it was because I was giving into him and that is why he threw the fit...Got it now... *eye roll*

 Through all of this I have been a saint and I have been anything but a saint and the one thing that never changes is my will for him to "get better".  You show me one child that was diagnosed with Aspergers who was healed by spankings, no spankings, consistent punishment, no sugar or even a perfect diet, never getting his way etc.  Show me...please show me and I will buy into this.  No?  Didn't think so.

There is only One that I know who heals and that is where I am place all my chips, my eggs, hopes whatever you want to call it.  I am all in...not like I was the last million times I was all in.  I pulled out all that I was holding back and it's all in too.  

So here begins my journey to healing Dylan begins with healing us as a family unit.  There is very little godly order in this house.  I am running all day long at least one step behind.  I hear so many well people in life blaming others for their own short comings.  Dylan, innocent as can be but still a great example for today, wants to see his brother battle someone on a game, but he was told by me to sit and face the homework he was working on.  So he asked me if he could watch and I said he could watch just one but he must stay where he is and turn around.  He was so busy being upset with me and having a fit because he was not getting what he wanted that he missed seeing ANY of the battle and guess what?  Yep, it was all MY fault, me the one who allowed him to see it cause him to miss it???  Well I am not one for blaming others for my short comings and I am often told I am "too hard" on myself.

Too hard on myself....what that really means is this " I would never hold myself accountable the way  you do, and if you feel you are wrong for doing the same thing I am doing, then you must believe I am wrong and ....I can't be wrong, so why don't you slack off back down to my level of living and we can be losers together. :D "  ANNNT   WRONG! 

In my next posts I will discuss how this house is getting back in godly order.

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