Are we there yet? 8/30

Today we are just a couple days away from moving day(s).  Of course I am excited! I have my optimistic eyes on and I have already said we can be moved out of this place and in to our new place in a day!  We have done it before...and may have been able to do it last move...but Dylan was playing in the yard and fell into/onto a adult sized walking stick.  I, 8 months pregnant, fell running to tend to him.  We ended up in the ER, BUT...we both were just banged up, Praise God!....

This time it will all go smoothly!

So on a learning note...This past weekend I went to yard sales with my mom and sister.  I decided not to purchase a bath seat for Maddie because it was 10.00, then I spent over 10.00 on books and clothes...still a good buy and still of great use, BUT the bath seat is more important.  So the lesson I learned is this...although some things may be only 25 cents here and there that adds up, and if I had just bought what was more needed chances are I would  have been happier about my purchases at the end of the day. The old proverb  " A penny saved is a penny earned." I get it now.  

I have cut out almost all "extras" we are down to the internet and a prepaid cell phone.    Which is an UP to me.  I cannot stand the cell phone but I keep it for the times when I should call and say I will be late, or see if someone is home before a trip out, roadside emergencies etc.  The internet, to me is too valuable, on line bill pay, on line banking, searches for recipes, Doug and my Bible study and most recently a women's Bible Study coming up, etc.  But even with all of this , I still make wrong choices, or become forgetful and miss cooking a meal ahead of time and there is nothing prepared for Doug to take to work and he eats out.  He makes wise choices about his meals using coupons or ordering a "deal"....but that is still 5-7 dollars we could have saved or used on a bill.  It is hard not to get bummed out over these things, I try to keep my head up and not beat myself up.  I am learning so it is not a total loss, and I rather learn now then pay dearly later.  

I am still working on making a meal planner so I can shop for groceries more wisely.  Not cool when you get home from shopping and realize you have lots of "half meals".

I am still facing some trials in the "woe is me" category.   I clean the house and turn around to see lots of mini "Dylan disasters" Then I clean the house and have to cook and then leave the stinky apartment to breathe fresh air and the kitchen backs up the laundry falls behind etc.  I love being a house wife/mother and I enjoy all the housework...when it is appreciated.  I often wonder what the others would think if I went behind them and undid what they had done or moved their tools/toys for their jobs/playing.  Then I get out of that stinkin thinkin and back to pressing onward.  All my silence and all my prayers will not be in vain.  I know that even if it is not shown outwardly, I am appreciated and God sees my efforts and He knows my heart..."He knows my heart", I keep saying this when I fall short...short of my goals toward being more Christ like and achieving what I believe He wants me to achieve. We all fall short of Glory of God, I know this and I am not on a mission to become divine, I only want to do what is His will for me, and I know being a Proverbs 31 wife and mother is His will.  So to end today's blog I will paste below Proverbs 31 and I will probably hit on all the lines in future blogs.

Proverbs  31(NLT)(copied from biblegateway.com)

The Sayings of King Lemuel

 ¹ The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him.

A Wife of Noble Character

 ^{10 [b]}Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
      She is more precious than rubies.
 ¹¹ Her husband can trust her,
      and she will greatly enrich his life.
 ¹² She brings him good, not harm,
      all the days of her life. ¹³ She finds wool and flax
      and busily spins it.
 ¹⁴ She is like a merchant’s ship,
      bringing her food from afar.
 ¹⁵ She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
      and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
 ¹⁶ She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
      with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
 ¹⁷ She is energetic and strong,
      a hard worker.
 ¹⁸ She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
      her lamp burns late into the night.
 ¹⁹ Her hands are busy spinning thread,
      her fingers twisting fiber.
 ²⁰ She extends a helping hand to the poor
      and opens her arms to the needy.
 ²¹ She has no fear of winter for her household,
      for everyone has warm^[c] clothes.
 ²² She makes her own bedspreads.
      She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
 ²³ Her husband is well known at the city gates,
      where he sits with the other civic leaders.
 ²⁴ She makes belted linen garments
      and sashes to sell to the merchants.
 ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity,
      and she laughs without fear of the future.
 ²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise,
      and she gives instructions with kindness.
 ²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household
      and suffers nothing from laziness.
 ²⁸ Her children stand and bless her.
      Her husband praises her:
 ²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
      but you surpass them all!”
 ³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
      but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
 ³¹ Reward her for all she has done.
      Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

"Structure...I need structure!"

I am sure this is what Dylan is screaming when he yells at me " You are the worst mom ever" and "I wish you and daddy weren't here!" He wants  "Gentle guidance with a firm rule!"  He has been getting hardly any of this lately and boy has it been showing.  Some sad parts are that I know he needs structure and I know I need order, my heart fills with joy and I get so excited to know what needs to be done, I make a plan and I begin to implement it, then "life" happens.  The problem is not that "life" happens the problem is how I deal with "life" happening! 

Before I was saved I battled depression.  I believe many people have the wrong idea about depression.  Not all depression is manic, not all of it is completely debilitating.  For me there were days where I was completely sunk and days when I was on "cloud nine".  Then there were moments when I was sunk and moments when I was on "cloud nine"  while  all the other moments were just normal I guess.  I never have days of depression nor long moments of depression any longer, but there are times when everything going on ways heavy on me and I turn inward when I need to be on my knees and seeking Him.   When I get this, when I understand He is my answer to any problem I have, it's then that I smile and it is then that I get up and pick up the pieces and put them back together and get going again.  He fills me with joy, not things, He fills me with peace....not my circumstances.  I only need Him.  He is my everything.  The only one who will ever truly "get" me and the only one Who I can let my mind empty into.  I can tell Him everything going on in me...He already knows and loves me anyway.  He knows what I go through and does not judge my thoughts....He gives me gentle guidance with a firm rule!  


I so enjoy the end result...I start feeling down and sunk, I think upon my needs and my wants, my don't haves and should haves, the somebody done me wrongs....and there He is lifting me up reminding me of my need to grow and showing me where my thoughts are taking me and showing me how to change my "stinkin thinkin".
God I thank God for YOU...lol  There is actually comfort for me in this scripture :
John 15:18
If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.

 I don't want to be hated of course, and I am not cool with the world having hated Jesus...but it had to be done, and I feel a sense of peace in this verse....I am not alone in my pain.  Jesus, my savior, He knows how I feel.  HE is the only one who has seen every moment of my life...that is how He knows my heart...He knows my heart and how it aches for so many.  He knows my intentions, and He is patient...God I need your patience!


  He knows how I long to see my sons happy...really happy, not just happy because they got a toy or their favorite show is on.  Dylan often tells me " This is the worst day ever!"  Now this comment is usually followed by a mini tantrum, an "I hate you" and a storming off to his room, a few short minutes later he is playing with his toys and asking me for a snack or something else.  As if it never happened. The second I tell him no, I have gotten. " FINE THEN!  I guess you don't want me I guess you don't need me then!  I hate this day! This is all cause of Your fault!"  I thought this was just something he said to me and Doug...but he also says it to his brother Ty.  


Ty has done his best to understand Dylan.  Ty battles his own sensitivity.  The boys are much a like in their differences...oxymoron enough for you?  They may have different opinions and like different things, but their responses are generally the same, they do not notice this in each other of course.  They only notice the other one's faults and not their own.  Ty is being treated for ADHD which he can still be pretty hyper, but  less than before, he has had challenges with social skills and his anger.   It hurts to hear him say " The kids at school still say mean things to me and try to get me in trouble."  Now don't get me wrong kids pick on each other...this is beyond picking and can get more like bullying.  It has gone up and down like a roller coaster.  I thank God he can share these things with me, given me not being there for him when he was younger. 

So again, I am eager to get to the new house...BUT I cannot let my desire to be at the new house and have it easier, get in the way of what must be done now.  

The best way to describe my flesh lately is like this, imagine standing by a bonfire  on a cold night, your flesh feels quite happy next to the fire being warmed.  Now it suddenly turns to a hot summer night and you feel too warm next to the fire and you begin to complain, then someone pushes you in and you scream out in pain...that is my flesh.  Now standing in a bonfire would, without God,  cause you to die, but this bonfire is the fire of the Holy Ghost and my spirit loves to be in the fire, but in the natural flesh at times it is burning and painful.   But if I step out of the fire I would surely die forever in spirit and body.  The best place to be is in the fire...let the flesh scream out in pain and then once the flesh dies to the spirit there will be peace...the flesh will know that the spirit reigns and the spirit will put the flesh in line when it tries to step out of line.  The flesh will not always cry out in pain, there may be whining, but not screaming.  The flesh...is much like a band-aid...just rip it off and get it over with!  Anyone reading this not in the spirit will be completely lost...sorry for that. :D

I am still moving forward and I still believe no matter the circumstance, Dylan will receive his healing and neither he nor I will have to battle this ugly monster any longer.

The battle is not mine, it's the Lords

2 Chronicles 20:15-17(NLT)
¹⁵ He said, “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. ¹⁶ Tomorrow, march out against them. You will find them coming up through the ascent of Ziz at the end of the valley that opens into the wilderness of Jeruel. ¹⁷ But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!”
²⁴ So when the army of Judah arrived at the lookout point in the wilderness, all they saw were dead bodies lying on the ground as far as they could see. Not a single one of the enemy had escaped.

 Don't fight, stand and watch the victory?  Sometimes of course we must fight...BUT, as discerning Christians we need to be able to seek the Lord for direction on what battles to fight and what battles to stand and watch.  
Stand:
to maintain one's position <stand firm>,  

a : to endure or undergo successfully 

  b : to tolerate without flinching : bear courageously 

  c : to endure the presence or personality of  

2 to remain firm in the face of 

3 to submit to 

 

All of these are great and all of these are what I have to do.  There are days harder than others and there are moments where I falter, BUT I keep my eyes on the prize and press toward the mark. (Philippians 3:14)

 

I am happy to report I have had fewer questions like " Something's wrong isn't it, your mad aren't you, tell me, is something wrong?" , asked of me.  So it is getting easier to stand firm and smile even though the trials tend to get harder the better I do.  But it is not me doing this in my own strength.  The great part is God has been working in my life and growing me to this moment...which is surely growing me for yet another moment in my life.   With all the preparation He has given me I have learned that when I begin to feel overwhelmed or if I miss it and falter, I know to pray and renew my mind in Him who gives me strength.  I am learning when to stand and when to go to battle.  

 

I must say, the flesh has been whining A LOT.  It wants to scream out "THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!",  so many times.  However, I know where that gets all of us.  God has also given me peace when the thoughts come in, such as " What if I am the only one who grows during this battle?".   Well maybe I am the only one to grow during THIS battle, doesn't mean growth will not occur for others when their hearts are ready to receive.  All that I can control is ME.  I often want to fight battles for God...for ME.  I want to be able to make certain people receive, because it would be good for them and GREAT for me...just doesn't happen that way and my flesh whines.

 

It is too easy to be like some others, and as I hear people around me my heart has so much compassion for them.  I want to shout for joy and praise God, telling them how to stomp on the devil....but not everyone is ready to hear this.  We all have seasons in our lives and we are all at different points in our walks with God.  To get excited and lay this on the right person at the wrong time could turn ugly.  I have to again be renewed in my mind and get in tune with the Spirit so I know when to speak and when to refrain.  It is not good to hear, people get upset because we are happy and they are sad and it is hard when they presume their own life must be harder than ours because they are a wreck and we are walking tall.  It is a common misunderstanding, when people see our lives on the outside and assume they are a cake walk.  I don't know about everyone else but I surely have had more pain than I ever care to mention.  What we learn as Christians is not to speak the problem, speak the solution.  We do not deny life has trials, we confess we will overcome and be conquerors of all trials that surface.

So Dylan had been doing fairly well, the fits were not as frequent but they were maturing...maturing meaning the snottiness was getting to be the snottiness of an older child and not of a younger child.  We are starting a new week, and the sooner we can get into the new house the sooner I can keep the structure I am trying to instill in his life.  It is hard to stay on task with adding the baby I watch during the day and having less time in the morning to cook breakfast and lunch before Doug is off to work.  I enjoy spending time with my mother and sister, I am just ready to be on my own again.  Being 32 and having two children to pack and move from house to house and back to house each day is not easy on any of us.  It is also hard to remember to get vitamins taken and to bring all of our toiletries with us.  There is an end to this apartment madness and that end is so close I can touch it.

The progress in my own attitude and love walk is going much faster right now than my progress with winning the Aspergers battle, but I believe this is all for good.  If I grow more now before the more complete structure is implemented then I will falter less when we are settled in our new home....HOME ahhhh.  I am so excited to not smell mold/mildew and various other nasty odors.  

Thank you God for peace that surpasses all understanding! Philippians 4:7

 

One thing...get over yourself

I had been reading , "Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential" by Joel Osteen.  I really liked the book and I was only a few pages in.  I wanted Doug to read it too, but he just doesn't read...a lot of people are that way, so I bought the audio in hopes of being on somewhat the "same page" .  The audio was on in the car so I have pretty much heard the whole book, but I am still going to read it as well.  While the audio is playing in the car, we are talking, Dylan is playing and talking etc. , but no matter what is going on it seems I hear what I need to hear just as there is a pause in the noise.  Then my message is followed by me saying "Amen" or "Praise God".  Although I know a lot of people who truly do need this message to sink in,  I know I need it to sink in just as well.  

I used to be a negative person always focusing on the bad that happened to me and never really believing the people who said I could change all of that with my mouth.  The principles of God's way for living apply to everyone, Christian or not.  You speak positive you see positive and anyone reading this who does not agree is simply speaking positive to be able to say " I tried that and it didn't work."  The truth of MOST negative people's lives is that they really are no worse than other peoples lives.  I am thankful I have never had the life of someone living in a third world country with no shelter and no clean water, however there are times when I was living below the people in poverty and on welfare.  Been homeless with no way to get a shelter many times in my past, but thank God I had people in my life who cared enough to let me stay with them.  I have been a real victim of one of the worst kinds of abuse, I've been talked about wrongly, used lied to, lost four pregnancies, had a seizure disorder, been in depression, been addicted to things etc.  Since I let God into my life , the bad things did not stop happening to me, immediately I changed.  I still had/have my moments but those moments are farther and farther between and usually those moments now don't even make it out of my head and to my mouth. 

In my mind I there is a battle waging when that negative thought enters, first thought is  "Woe is me."  Next thought" No woe is not me, I have it good, I am just facing a moment here....Man this stinks, I hate having to sit through this and allow it to happen to me.  Oh, God...please help them see what they are doing to me, I almost feel bad not fighting back because if I let You handle it they are going to learn a lesson the hard way...but then again, me handling it never gets them to learn anything...just think even less of me....okay this one's Yours.  Please help me now Lord to let it go and stop sitting here with this sad look on my face."

So what does this have to do with Dylan and my house being in order....oh man, all of this is so deep and complexly simple...lol 

My house cannot be in order with a nag as the wife/mother.  I hate the word nag and I hate that so many good women are seen as nags when they are really only trying to save themselves from more stress.  But there is no "productive nag"  only a "destructive nag"  and since that is how our families view most of us...that is our "title"  we don't HAVE to wear that title, but we will continue to wear the title as long as we allow ourselves to "nag".  Once our "nagging" slows or stops we will begin to battle the thief who wants to steal what happiness we have.   he will send us depression to fight off, the "woe is me"s .  The key to this is to realize the nagging solves nothing and that God IS and always will be IN CONTROL.  Our call is to care for our family whether we are stay at home moms or we work outside the home.  There will be clothes thrown a muck, glasses and dishes scattered about, wrappers left for us to gather, wet towels on dry places, dishes and dishes and dishes and the list goes on.  

The saying goes " Silence is golden"  well it truly is...not just to a mom who has an energizer bunny of a child, but also to a wife/mom who keeps her peace when she is feeling like a maid more than a wife and mother.  The key is to keep your cool and never let them see you sweat.  Don't keep quiet and then go around moping and slamming things here and there.  Just get over yourself and take care of what needs to be taken care of.  When it really is an issue to us, we can say things like " Son/ Daughter/ Hubby , can you please do me a favor and grab those socks on the floor.  I need them in this laundry I am about to do."  This question can be changed up for about anything you need them to do, like , " ....can you  please gather the garbage from the living room I am about to take the trash out.....can you please gather the glasses for the dishes.  "etc  The key is to humble yourself and not say YOU YOU YOU and ME ME ME, just ask for what it is you need without assigning fault and without going into a overly descriptive question, like "  Son/Daughter/ Hubby, please get me the socks you have thrown all around the house, I am tired of picking up after you.  Please bring me your garbage since it should have made it here in the first place and I am NOT your maid!"  

 So what do we gain by "candy coating" the question? Everything, respect and honor, peace...they SLOWLY begin to do these things on their own without you asking.  Sometimes we may still have to get the items ourselves, we may have to add more conversation to get the job done, such as, once your question has been politely asked you get the response, In a minute mom/hun, I am watching this _____ or doing this_____ (insert fun thing).  You will want to think "Sure I will wait while you have fun and I act as your slave...no problem"  Instead make a choice to wait or to reaffirm what you need them to do.  "Okay please bring that as soon as you can." or  " I'm sorry I really need it for _____ it will just take a minute please.  Thank you so much for helping me."  At first many hardened hearts will act cold to you...but for the most part we have to realize why their hearts are hardened...all to often what they perceived as nagging has made them less loving and affectionate to us.  Love, affection, respect, honor and peace are well worth the fleshy pain of not "nagging".

Still going and going and going....

So since the last Blog we had a slight dip in the road, however never a thought of  " Why us?" or " How come this is not working"   Cause we don't have the answer to the first question, and Autism is not given to us from God, yet God will use the attacks of the devil to teach us.  So through  all of this I can say I am surely learning a lot in soooo many ways.  I am learning:

1. patience
2. how to live a simpler life
3. how to save better
4. how to eat healthier
5. how to be a good teacher
6. how to do time management when there seems to be NO time
7. how to pray in the midst of what seems to be a crisis
8. how to pray to avoid crisis
9. that tv is not as important as I once thought it was
10. cell phones are not as important as I once thought they were
11. a schedule is needed even when it is not followed step by step each day
12. breakfast is sooo needed
13. sleep is over rated and thank God for HIS rest
14. I can do more than I ever thought possible
15. I can still volunteer even with 4 children, one car and a hubby that needs said car
16. thinking about all that is happening to us and struggling with it in my mind and heart is selfish
17. and on and on

The list is pretty much never ending.  I think some of the greatest things I got from our learning experience is how to encourage when your flesh is screaming DISCOURAGE!!! How to be humble when your flesh is screaming FIGHT BACK!!!  God truly does bless you when you encourage and edify what can be encouraged and edified...even if that is only "Hey, thanks for eating your breakfast.  It makes mommy very happy in her heart to see you eat well!"  Having humility and allowing God to handle all wrongs is so hard but so worth the outcome.  When I fight for myself...I never get to stop fighting for myself.  As in my past, people are often just that...people they are not God, so they will let us down.  No person cares to listen as intently as God listens to me.  God knows my heart and He knows the intent I have on all my actions....even down to me sucking in my gut around women who have smaller waists.  He tells me often to relax and let Him handle my pain, sometimes He teaches me to get over something, sometimes He moves in the offenders life and teaches them and other times since I pray for wisdom and His will almost daily, He will guide me to have words that speak without any offense( this is not as often as my request to remain silent).

Still the hardest part of all of what we go through and have gone through is the sometimes daily forgiveness that is required from me.  I have to forgive what caused Dylan to receive the diagnosis, I have to forgive people who judge us, forgive people who are close to us who still do not understand or think I should medicate Dylan.  I wanted to say this before but now is as good of a time as any.  I do believe God uses Doctors to heal as well....and if there was a proven healing from modern medicine we would seek it, yet there is not.  We do see a Doctor from time to time, such as when Dylan fell on a stick and I was a concerned mother who wanted to be sure he did not have internal bleeding.  A diagnosis of Aspergers is not life threatening and even though Dylan has said he "  I hate myself,  fine I will just kill myself."   The medicine for this type of reaction has a side effect of suicidal tendencies... so why not deal with his natural emotions rather than drugged out ones???

Becoming more out spoken and more silent at the same time...odd combo but one which seems to be paying off.  I let God guide my words and actions.  Daily praying for patience, understanding, strength, wisdom and to get the shoves I need through out the day to stay on track.  Of course my prayers are more in depth but this is the general surface of them.  All Glory to God for the work that is being completed here!

8/3-8/4

Ups and downs...Dylan took three Science quizzes and did great.  He read a lot of the questions himself.  It went pretty well.  He had some focusing problems and recently he had been saying everyone hates him and he hates himself , he has called himself stupid and he has even had a meltdown around his favorite church member.  I was praying that we would stop inviting people into this "Aspergers" world and we would be greeting people in the "NT" world.  I know we will be and I am not letting the symptoms I see get to me. 

The meltdown at the church lasted for a while in the car.  He claimed he was stupid, I could not convince him otherwise...BUT I got his mind directed off of what bothered him and being "stupid".

Today with his brother here there has been the usual arguments, Bible study went well even when he answered wrong and his brother answered right he was okay....then...he threw a toy at his brother during clean up and I punished him by making him clean his room on his own.  The meltdown began and lasted about 20min. He got quiet and got to work.  He heard his brother and I talking and asked us what we were talking about, I told him God and he screamed OH...and used the same tone he normally does when he adds on " I guess you hate me then"  but this time OH is all I got.  I praise God for all the little things and do my best to keep the faith when symptoms hit hard. 
Creflo had a good word tonight, it was for finances but applies here as well.  I knew this already...but it's great to hear it again...If I am not seeing things manifest...then it's me!
Tomorrow is another day...a better Day!...a Great day!

Weekend and start of new week 7/30-8/1

The weekend went well.  Nothing at home accomplished except another mess due to not being here and then coming home for a brief bit on Sunday morning to get ready for church.  We got ready and arrived at church early.  All went well through church.  Afterward Dylan decided to ride with Grandma and Grandpa Schoonover. We all went and visited some family and their friends.  It was a great outing.  Dylan began the event a little iffy and I must admit my faith was not in full gear for the event.  In the past we had not had too many great outings.  Right away Dylan was wanting the tour of the home.  While on the tour he wanted to know if he could play in this room and that room, can I pet that cat, can I get the cat...then I had to change him into his swim suit and it was what's this what's that and what's its purpose.  I could handle it here and there but it has worn on me when it seems so constant.  At times it seems I have a never ending 3yr old, why why why , how come how come how come.  My sister laughed at me when I said one thing God has taught me through this world classified "autism" experience is patience.  But I am very serious.  I know God did not give my son the symptoms which led to his diagnosis, He has however, used what the devil tried to do to us to teach us a lesson.  After hearing a sermon this past Sunday I have to agree, I have let the devil knock me down at times...but I am never defeated.  My moments of sorrow are brief.   I rejoice in knowing we are coming through this victorious!  All victory is through Christ Jesus!  Once Dylan was in his swimwear sunscreened up and out to play in the pool he and I were both happy.  He was getting to do something he enjoys greatly and does not get to do often and I was happy to be at ease knowing he was happy and not going to be breaking anything in the house that in the natural we could not afford to replace. 


At times I can sense others looking at me as if to say "gees calm down" , I do need to calm down more, this is something else Dylan and I battle.  The world would label me with adult Aspergers, and during my battles with this I have had to constantly shut my mouth and remind myself I DO have the mind of Christ and I CAN do all things through Him and I WILL have the victory.  I can I do and I will is something else we covered at church on Sunday and sometimes you do not realize what God has already given you till you hear it being spoken.  I have to think often about battles with Dylan like this " Is this current battle one for the Lord or one for me?"  By one for the Lord I mean, is this something that will help Dylan in His journey to being a godly man or  is it so I can have my way...am I let Christ reign in me or is this my flesh?  I have to say more often in the past it has been for me.  I want peace and Dylan has been like an energizer bunny at times and it seemed he would never stop talking and being a mommy and a wife with a lot on my plate it had been hard to focus when he would talk almost non stop and when the talking stopped the noises would start.  So we made it through the family event and the night with Grandma B was great Dylan was at peace there as well. 


Today 8-1 He sat with me and did his Bible study on Gain and Able today, he answers all the questions almost 100% correctly, sometimes he says right answers but not complete answers,  he played in his room alone...a feat in itself! Since he was about 4 1/2 he had been afraid of being alone in his room and I began to have him say Psalm 91:11 and Psalm 34:4 over himself and I would agree with him at night time.  I would also read the entire Psalm 91 over our family and it was off to bed.  At times I would get angry with his fear as it slowed all of us down and made for one heck of a work out when he needed us to go with him up and down the stairs so often.  Yet other times I would comfort him and speak the word into his life...the right way to go.  I picked out Dylan's clothes and explained I wanted him to put them on, feed his fish and clean his room up from the toys he was not playing with.  He came downstairs and began to play on the pc.  I asked him if his room was clean and he said he did not know for sure.  Praise God I had HIS peace at the time and I just calmly said "okay push away from the pc and come with me."  It worked well because it was Christ working through me and not my flesh.  I simply took him by the hand...he let me touch him for a whole 5 seconds.  We went upstairs and looked at his room together and I began to ask him what each thing on his floor was for and where it went.  He then put them where they go and I saw laundry I had to hang up.  I hung the laundry and we both went back down together.  Lunch came he ate and Daddy left for the day. 


Daily we are working toward complete restoration.  At times I feel like I just want to speak out and voice my flesh's pain, but it is so easy to stay quiet when I think of all we go through each day...I simply have to ask myself " Is what I have to say worth backsliding?"  Of course the answer is no. 


On my list of things to get passed ...Moody face.  I may have learned to tame my tongue...better...but moody face has still been a problem.  Moody face happens when I start listening to my flesh tell me all the ways in which things are not going well, instead of letting my spirit rejoice over all the ways things ARE going well.  Today I thank God for the ability to be a stay at home mom and bless others with the time God opens up for me to bless them with.  Praise God for my family everyone of them through Christ, teaches me something useful in my growth!

7/29 entering Doug's weekend to work

The start of the day was much better. I was awake already and at the door on the first knock.  It is so much easier to stay on task when you are not a person who lies and you are keeping public record of your days.   I did face a me challenge last night... we have a comforter for a bed Doug sleeps in when he works the weekend and must be gone.  Said comforter sat at our front door for days and days. I asked when it was leaving and was assured it would be soon...I waited then I loaded it up myself, last night I went to put the diaper bag in the trunk and hmmm the comforter was there.  A foolish wife brings tears down her house with her own hands...when I heard him say why it was left in the trunk I did not argue I just shut my mouth and sat down. I may have to do more things to get what I need done, done but I will not fuss over this tiny issue.  Disharmony between Doug and I upsets our family unity.  I am a happy wife and mother!


Doug and I had a talk the other day about how he is happy to be him and I am happy to be me.  God created us just the way we needed to be.  Each of us could learn the other's job but there is no way we would do as good of a job at each other's jobs.  I don't want to face big men in my face telling me to give their cars back and at this time I could not handle the weight of all the equipment he has to haul on and off of his truck, and Doug would be crying in a corner if he was left alone with two babies the boys and the house work...we will keep our own jobs and rejoice in all of our blessings.


 So... I got the boys breakfast toast and eggs today, Madalyn fed, my son's sister fed, Dylan kicking and firmly saying no all the way into the tub...where he stayed for a while...he hates baths you know? I ironed Dylan's VBS shirt and started laundry, started dishes and we were off to VBS, got back did Bible Study with Doug and then off to groceries. As in the past today was no different, WalMart did not have many of the items we needed on our shopping list.  I really do not like going to several stores because one will not keep things in stock.  Got the groceries, got back....Doug's gotta eat hot dogs no time to cook we only have 30min before he has to be on the road to work and he has to drop us off pack a weekend lunch and I have to feed Madalyn and my son's sister which was quite the trick since Madalyn is breast fed.  I imagine I will be the best left handed baby feeder ever!  We are off to for me to watch the boys at the last day of VBS and Doug is off to work.


Get back and we are now eating, doing dishes, getting Madalyn who is over tired from the days events, rocked to sleep. And my son's sister is playing with toys.  My ex shows up to pick up my oldest and his sister, I then finished up some chores and it was off to mom's for this weekend's fresh air.