Tuesday, September 18, 2012

More and more the eyes open wide

Recently my life has changed.  Dylan, who was clinically diagnosed with Aspergers, ADHD "and more" has been having more challenges recently.  I have been able to remain more and more calm with him and now I will walk away when we are at home if things get too heated with him.  If I leave him alone he will calm down and seek me out to say he is sorry.  He doesn't want to lash out and is truly sorry when he says he hates me.  Unfortunately he has also become violent with me and this father.

Friday was a bad day for him and I both.  After school he had a meltdown on school property.  We all did the best we could but were unable to calm him before a DARE cop had to be called.  Eventually we got him home and after a while things were back to "normal".  I may not be speaking for all parents of children on the Autism spectrum but I can say this for myself...please no unsolicited advice.  I know it is well meaning, but it does more harm than good, especially since most of us have spent countless hours researching various literature, listening to other moms, Dr.s and living 24/7 with our children and we know what triggers and what doesn't what works most of the time and what doesn't.   Dylan takes things very literally and he has had great fears...he cannot be told scarey things or worse case scenarios because scenarios will play out in his active mind and could possibly cause him to overreact to a situation he otherwise would have handled well.

Saturday a friend and I had a play date for the babies at a local park.  She and I were watching the babies and Dylan.  Dylan was playing well with the other children.  To me it was no surprise since he had been around children more at Sunday school and public school.   At one point the children seemed to be playing a fighting game, Dylan really enjoys these games at home and has to be reminded he could get hurt or hurt someone else.  I yelled out for the fighting game to stop and it did.  Dylan and the boys he was playing with went back to swinging swings back and forth and dancing about.  I can't recall the details but I am assuming the babies began to wander to far away and I took my eyes off Dylan so I could redirect the little ones...Next thing I hear is Dylan screaming " MOM, MOMMY! MOM!!!"  So I stood up and jogged toward him.  I try not to overreact myself, since Dylan often seems like he is dying when in reality he wants to tell me about a grasshopper.  Then he catches his breath and I hear a boy yell out "BABY!" as he flies off toward a hill.  Dylan tells me FOUR boys were all picking on him at the same time and they punched him in the stomach.  My heart sank...where was I?  I had missed this.  I could have squashed this and maybe educated some ignorant children...possibly even some parents.  Now they were gone.  Dylan's only wish??? To never go back to that park again.  :(  I know children can be cruel...I am 33 years old I was one once and I got picked on too. But too many of us parents have stepped out of our roles as parents and let others included the television, raise our children.  I may have picked on kids some myself but if my mom or my grandparents found out I was taught a lesson and that is what we need to get back to.

Soap Box Time:

Name calling and bullying have got to stop and it starts at home.  BIG CHILDREN...that is what a lot of the parents are today.  Nothing wrong with playing games with our children but when it comes to teaching we need to put on the grown up hat.  The way we live our lives is what our children will copy.  If we make fun of people on tv, in the stores on the road etc., that is what our children will do.  It is monkey see monkey do not monkey hear monkey do.

We in America have become to focused on ourselves.  We have got to realize the children we raise will be the ones in power when we are our grandparents age...that is SERIOUS.  Right now we have uncaring disrespectful self centered uhhh....meany heads, who will be running our government...See you all in the nursing home...or worse...homeless.  Turn off the tv, give the children some rules, get involved and be a GOOD  role model.

That is all :D

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