Okay so it took me about a month to write again...but I have been over whelmed and today I finally got a little bit ahead of the tasks around here. From peeling all the sweet potatoes and getting them ready for the next day, cleaning and freezing fruit down to cleaning the last of the floors in the house...oh and I reclaimed the counters in the kitchen from the clutter, the one thing this place has less of is storage...but I am a great organizer :D
Progress with Dylan seemed to spike today as well...just a great day! He was in the best mood he has been in, in a long time. A few issues but wow...what a relief.
I am still battling the urge to pull my hair out, and part of that comes from the work over load that it seems no one else realizes exists except a few other SAHMs who home school their child(ren) with Aspergers.
I heard a song which was written by a man at church with the inspiration of his daughter and it just fit me perfect, I am excited because he is allowing me to have a copy...this song talks about how no one knows but God...He knows what I face everyday, He knows my heart, He knows when it breaks and all the things I allow Him to have control over. I am so happy for the work He has done and is still doing in me. I have bit my tongue more times than I can count and each time He is right there fighting for me. Life has definitely gotten more peaceful since I let other people run their mouths while mine stays shut ;D I am far for a master of this as of yet....but practice makes perfect and I sure am getting a lot of practice.
I have been deceived and lied to by someone I love, who does this quite often and I am praising God because this time I finally stopped fighting. I finally stopped trying to make them change. I simply stated that their lies and deceit hurt and I didn't feel I deserved that, they expressed their sorrow, of course I forgive them, the point I made was if you were truly sorry you'd stop and given the history and how each time they are "sorry" I do not feel they truly are sorry in the sense that they will not do it again. This lie actually hurt them more than me...but it hurts me that they are hurting themselves and are oblivious to it...if that makes sense...
I have been able to spend a little more time in the Word recently and have started to write again. I have a rough draft below. This post is pretty here and there...but as it has been in the past...as soon as I confess the great things the pooh begins to explode around me... my phone rang twice, Dylan is bouncing off the walls now and Madalyn is crying....well enjoy...
It was a Wednesday night a few weeks back, I was taking care of Madalyn in the church nursery and I left part of the lights off in the room. I looked out the window and saw the pole which holds the power lines and I was reminded of all the times I have been in a room and left the light off, usually someone will enter and say, " I paid the light bill...." then they usually turn on the light and ask me if I can see better.
Well God is our power, He is where we get our strength.
Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”
Remember the Lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath.
2 Samuel 22:3
my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence.
God has spoken plainly, and I have heard it many times: Power, O God, belongs to you;
and more and more...God gave us Jesus, Jesus paid our power bill for all eternity...are we going to sit in the dark...or are we going to turn on the light?
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
We want to live in power, in health, in wealth...why aren't we? There are many reasons why we miss the "boat of have and land on the boat of have not"...I cannot tell anyone else the reason why they are living without, but I can tell everyone this... When I have not it is because I have allowed myself to get beat down, never as much as I used to allow it, but none the less I still have been smacked down by circumstances at times.
Imagine hanging from a rope over a treacherous waters, while hanging on for your life you see your family falling past you toward the waters, most of us will try to hold on with one hand and reach out with the other. We grab our loved ones and suddenly we begin to slip down the rope tearing our hands and lowering our family closer and closer to the waters below.
Now let's rewind...we are hanging on a rope with two hands over treacherous waters...one inch away from where our feet are gripping the rope is a HUGE ledge with a stairway leading back to high ground, our family is waiting for us at the top, if we can take the stairs like a champ, they may never even know we were gone, if we cling to the rope they may just walk of the edge looking for us...I am not willing to let my family fall...is anyone else?
We all have circumstances, not all of us share our circumstances. The problem is man made the solution is God given.
Philippians 4:8 New Living Translation
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Our circumstances are not honorable, lovely and admirable...cast thoughts about circumstances to the ground and walk on them. We were given the power to tread on the serpent(devil) and we should be doing just that.
Psalm 91:13 New Living Translation
You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
I am sorry...is God taking up too much of OUR time??? Is learning HIS Word and HIS promises to us taking too long??? Maybe we should just keep on barely making in, sad and depressed having pity parties because we just keep stubbing our toes and nothing is going our way...booo whoooo..... We made this mess... stop placing the blame on everyone else...WE MADE THE MESS!!! It was not the wife, the husband the kids, the parents the neighbors etc...It was US! We either did it ourselves, we allowed it to happen or we just sit in it and cry about who did us wrong. If it is Our mess then clean it up! Suck it up and fix it. HE is standing right next to us with all the tools we need, so happy to help...He has been waiting for us. All we have to do is turn and face Him jump for joy or fall to our knees, either way He is ready to give us the strength we need...we just gotta seek.