The weekend went well. Nothing at home accomplished except another mess due to not being here and then coming home for a brief bit on Sunday morning to get ready for church. We got ready and arrived at church early. All went well through church. Afterward Dylan decided to ride with Grandma and Grandpa Schoonover. We all went and visited some family and their friends. It was a great outing. Dylan began the event a little iffy and I must admit my faith was not in full gear for the event. In the past we had not had too many great outings. Right away Dylan was wanting the tour of the home. While on the tour he wanted to know if he could play in this room and that room, can I pet that cat, can I get the cat...then I had to change him into his swim suit and it was what's this what's that and what's its purpose. I could handle it here and there but it has worn on me when it seems so constant. At times it seems I have a never ending 3yr old, why why why , how come how come how come. My sister laughed at me when I said one thing God has taught me through this world classified "autism" experience is patience. But I am very serious. I know God did not give my son the symptoms which led to his diagnosis, He has however, used what the devil tried to do to us to teach us a lesson. After hearing a sermon this past Sunday I have to agree, I have let the devil knock me down at times...but I am never defeated. My moments of sorrow are brief. I rejoice in knowing we are coming through this victorious! All victory is through Christ Jesus! Once Dylan was in his swimwear sunscreened up and out to play in the pool he and I were both happy. He was getting to do something he enjoys greatly and does not get to do often and I was happy to be at ease knowing he was happy and not going to be breaking anything in the house that in the natural we could not afford to replace.
At times I can sense others looking at me as if to say "gees calm down" , I do need to calm down more, this is something else Dylan and I battle. The world would label me with adult Aspergers, and during my battles with this I have had to constantly shut my mouth and remind myself I DO have the mind of Christ and I CAN do all things through Him and I WILL have the victory. I can I do and I will is something else we covered at church on Sunday and sometimes you do not realize what God has already given you till you hear it being spoken. I have to think often about battles with Dylan like this " Is this current battle one for the Lord or one for me?" By one for the Lord I mean, is this something that will help Dylan in His journey to being a godly man or is it so I can have my way...am I let Christ reign in me or is this my flesh? I have to say more often in the past it has been for me. I want peace and Dylan has been like an energizer bunny at times and it seemed he would never stop talking and being a mommy and a wife with a lot on my plate it had been hard to focus when he would talk almost non stop and when the talking stopped the noises would start. So we made it through the family event and the night with Grandma B was great Dylan was at peace there as well.
Today 8-1 He sat with me and did his Bible study on Gain and Able today, he answers all the questions almost 100% correctly, sometimes he says right answers but not complete answers, he played in his room alone...a feat in itself! Since he was about 4 1/2 he had been afraid of being alone in his room and I began to have him say Psalm 91:11 and Psalm 34:4 over himself and I would agree with him at night time. I would also read the entire Psalm 91 over our family and it was off to bed. At times I would get angry with his fear as it slowed all of us down and made for one heck of a work out when he needed us to go with him up and down the stairs so often. Yet other times I would comfort him and speak the word into his life...the right way to go. I picked out Dylan's clothes and explained I wanted him to put them on, feed his fish and clean his room up from the toys he was not playing with. He came downstairs and began to play on the pc. I asked him if his room was clean and he said he did not know for sure. Praise God I had HIS peace at the time and I just calmly said "okay push away from the pc and come with me." It worked well because it was Christ working through me and not my flesh. I simply took him by the hand...he let me touch him for a whole 5 seconds. We went upstairs and looked at his room together and I began to ask him what each thing on his floor was for and where it went. He then put them where they go and I saw laundry I had to hang up. I hung the laundry and we both went back down together. Lunch came he ate and Daddy left for the day.
Daily we are working toward complete restoration. At times I feel like I just want to speak out and voice my flesh's pain, but it is so easy to stay quiet when I think of all we go through each day...I simply have to ask myself " Is what I have to say worth backsliding?" Of course the answer is no.
On my list of things to get passed ...Moody face. I may have learned to tame my tongue...better...but moody face has still been a problem. Moody face happens when I start listening to my flesh tell me all the ways in which things are not going well, instead of letting my spirit rejoice over all the ways things ARE going well. Today I thank God for the ability to be a stay at home mom and bless others with the time God opens up for me to bless them with. Praise God for my family everyone of them through Christ, teaches me something useful in my growth!
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