Wednesday, August 10, 2011

One thing...get over yourself

I had been reading , "Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential" by Joel Osteen.  I really liked the book and I was only a few pages in.  I wanted Doug to read it too, but he just doesn't read...a lot of people are that way, so I bought the audio in hopes of being on somewhat the "same page" .  The audio was on in the car so I have pretty much heard the whole book, but I am still going to read it as well.  While the audio is playing in the car, we are talking, Dylan is playing and talking etc. , but no matter what is going on it seems I hear what I need to hear just as there is a pause in the noise.  Then my message is followed by me saying "Amen" or "Praise God".  Although I know a lot of people who truly do need this message to sink in,  I know I need it to sink in just as well.  

I used to be a negative person always focusing on the bad that happened to me and never really believing the people who said I could change all of that with my mouth.  The principles of God's way for living apply to everyone, Christian or not.  You speak positive you see positive and anyone reading this who does not agree is simply speaking positive to be able to say " I tried that and it didn't work."  The truth of MOST negative people's lives is that they really are no worse than other peoples lives.  I am thankful I have never had the life of someone living in a third world country with no shelter and no clean water, however there are times when I was living below the people in poverty and on welfare.  Been homeless with no way to get a shelter many times in my past, but thank God I had people in my life who cared enough to let me stay with them.  I have been a real victim of one of the worst kinds of abuse, I've been talked about wrongly, used lied to, lost four pregnancies, had a seizure disorder, been in depression, been addicted to things etc.  Since I let God into my life , the bad things did not stop happening to me, immediately I changed.  I still had/have my moments but those moments are farther and farther between and usually those moments now don't even make it out of my head and to my mouth. 

In my mind I there is a battle waging when that negative thought enters, first thought is  "Woe is me."  Next thought" No woe is not me, I have it good, I am just facing a moment here....Man this stinks, I hate having to sit through this and allow it to happen to me.  Oh, God...please help them see what they are doing to me, I almost feel bad not fighting back because if I let You handle it they are going to learn a lesson the hard way...but then again, me handling it never gets them to learn anything...just think even less of me....okay this one's Yours.  Please help me now Lord to let it go and stop sitting here with this sad look on my face."

So what does this have to do with Dylan and my house being in order....oh man, all of this is so deep and complexly 

My house cannot be in order with a nag as the wife/mother.  I hate the word nag and I hate that so many good women are seen as nags when they are really only trying to save themselves from more stress.  But there is no "productive nag"  only a "destructive nag"  and since that is how our families view most of us...that is our "title"  we don't HAVE to wear that title, but we will continue to wear the title as long as we allow ourselves to "nag".  Once our "nagging" slows or stops we will begin to battle the thief who wants to steal what happiness we have.   he will send us depression to fight off, the "woe is me"s .  The key to this is to realize the nagging solves nothing and that God IS and always will be IN CONTROL.  Our call is to care for our family whether we are stay at home moms or we work outside the home.  There will be clothes thrown a muck, glasses and dishes scattered about, wrappers left for us to gather, wet towels on dry places, dishes and dishes and dishes and the list goes on.  

The saying goes " Silence is golden"  well it truly is...not just to a mom who has an energizer bunny of a child, but also to a wife/mom who keeps her peace when she is feeling like a maid more than a wife and mother.  The key is to keep your cool and never let them see you sweat.  Don't keep quiet and then go around moping and slamming things here and there.  Just get over yourself and take care of what needs to be taken care of.  When it really is an issue to us, we can say things like " Son/ Daughter/ Hubby , can you please do me a favor and grab those socks on the floor.  I need them in this laundry I am about to do."  This question can be changed up for about anything you need them to do, like , " ....can you  please gather the garbage from the living room I am about to take the trash out.....can you please gather the glasses for the dishes.  "etc  The key is to humble yourself and not say YOU YOU YOU and ME ME ME, just ask for what it is you need without assigning fault and without going into a overly descriptive question, like "  Son/Daughter/ Hubby, please get me the socks you have thrown all around the house, I am tired of picking up after you.  Please bring me your garbage since it should have made it here in the first place and I am NOT your maid!"  

 So what do we gain by "candy coating" the question? Everything, respect and honor, peace...they SLOWLY begin to do these things on their own without you asking.  Sometimes we may still have to get the items ourselves, we may have to add more conversation to get the job done, such as, once your question has been politely asked you get the response, In a minute mom/hun, I am watching this _____ or doing this_____ (insert fun thing).  You will want to think "Sure I will wait while you have fun and I act as your problem"  Instead make a choice to wait or to reaffirm what you need them to do.  "Okay please bring that as soon as you can." or  " I'm sorry I really need it for _____ it will just take a minute please.  Thank you so much for helping me."  At first many hardened hearts will act cold to you...but for the most part we have to realize why their hearts are hardened...all to often what they perceived as nagging has made them less loving and affectionate to us.  Love, affection, respect, honor and peace are well worth the fleshy pain of not "nagging".

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